


and nothing matters

by Burning_wings



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23247268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_wings/pseuds/Burning_wings





	1. Chapter 1

And nothing mattered. 

  
  


It doesn't matter what I say or do. I'm never enough. They’ve made that ABUNDANTLY clear. 

If I'm upset, I need to be punished for being a drama queen. And I  **_need_ ** to lose all my devices, including my phone, computer, my old phone that doesn't work, my old kindle that I haven't used since 2014, and all access to a television. 

Effectively cutting me off from anyone who actually cares about my well being, so I will 

feel isolated and will accept his abuse more readily and possibly even willingly.

If I'm sad, I'm being dramatic and need to lose all of my devices  _ “to connect with reality.”  _

If I'm angry, it's because I have been spending too much time online, and  _ “need to talk to real people. _ ” 

  
  


Anything I feel, I will end up getting punished for. 

  
  


It doesn't matter. 

  
  


What can I try to do to fight back?

**I could try,**

Arguing back and be angry that I'm being punished for some stupid reason and tell them that.

I tried that, it didn't work even a little bit.

They would get even more irrational and i would be SEVERELY PUNISHED. Think 

pitchforks and torches. As well as they would video it and force me to watch it later as 

more punishment while they make fun of me.

**I could try,**

Not talking while i'm getting yelled at so the punishment will be less severe. 

I tried that. It didn't work. 

He just got more angry and punished me more severely because I was ignoring him 

literally scream in my face about how I was a selfish brat who never had anything truly 

bad happen to me, so he needed to make my life harder. 

_ (he actually said this on multiple occasions) _

**I could try,**

Using a  valid argument and be logical about whatever I'm getting yelled at about this time.

Tried that, got punished more severely.

He got mad that I was arguing with him and was talking back. 

_ (one one occasion that I tried this, he started throwing things.  _

_ He ended up destroying my room and breaking a bunch of my things) _

**I could try,**

Hiding from them in my room so I couldn't do anything to anger them.

I am still trying that one actually, but it's not helping.

They come find me so they can find something wrong with me and punish me for it. 

They both do it.

**I could try,**

Being polite and telling them what they're saying is right and agree that I need to be punished.

I tried that, and it worked for a minute. 

I even finally felt a little satisfaction when I inevitably got punished, but the punishments 

started getting more and more severe to the point where they would threaten me with 

physical punishments and I got scared so I stopped.

**I could try,**

Running away .

I tried that, and was gone for approximately 48 hours.

I'm convinced the only reason they noticed was because they actually had to take care 

of their other kids because I wasn't there to do it for them. I only ended up returning 

because the people I was staying with kicked me out for fear that they would get in 

Trouble.

  
  


There’s literally nothing I can do to please them. 

  
  


I don't matter

  
  


I don't matter… 

  
  


…and nobody cares.


	2. Pt. 2

And it doesn’t matter!

No bodily anatomy, 

I'm treated like a child   
and expected to act like an adult.  
I'm given the responsibility of a parent,   
but treated like a baby. 

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO

I WILL be punished. 

If i make a crap dinner, i get treated the same as if i made a great dinner. But how often is a 17 year old required to make dinner? Is it every night? Every other night? Once a week? A month? A year?

I don't know

Maybe it's my fault though

I expect too much

All I wanted was to be treated like a person. 

How dare I wish for such high standards. 

What a Millennial 

What a Brat

What a baby

But I have so many gifts! I'm so lucky!  
Right?  
I have so many things  
Right?  
I take everything for granted  
Right?

Why should I even expect to be treated as any more than an indentured servant. or even more accurate: a slave. 

But they only hit me every once in a while, and it's my fault anyway right??

Right???

RIGHT????

Wait...


End file.
